Slow to Share, Quick to Feel: Teaching Toddlers with Care

Toddlers struggle to share not because they’re difficult, but because their brains are still learning trust, empathy, and letting go. With gentle steps at home, you can help them grow into generous little humans.

Ever wonder what really gives the ego a bigger boost; giving or taking? It’s the thrill of giving; being the one who steps up, the generous one, the one in charge. It may come as a surprise, that even a toddler, when the moment calls for it, leans toward being the giver, the one who stands tall. A recent TikTok video showed a couple and their child playing a game. Three cookies, three human beings and three covered plates. The dad rotated the plates around, opened the lids and lo and behold, the (mind) game began. Daddy had a cookie, kiddo had two, and the mother had none. The kid was very happy seeing two cookies on her plate. And then she realised that her Mamma (sad face) had an empty plate. Immediately, the child took one cookie from her plate and gave it to the mother. Parents clapped for her and told her how proud they were!

In the next round, the father ended up with an empty plate, the child with two and the mother with one. But, interestingly, in Dad’s case, no cookie was offered. A dad is supposed to bring home the cookie, not eat it, perhaps!

Why ‘Mine’ Feels So Big

The toddler finds it easy to share her cookie with her mother because for her, ‘it’s my cookie and my Mummy’. She owns the cookie and her mother. The same cannot be expected of her vis-a-vis someone else. The sense of ownership is high among toddlers, and sharing or giving away even a cookie is like giving away a part of themselves. They are gradually taught the value of others and sharing.

It’s Not Defiance, It’s Development

‘The terrible threes’ is marked by a phase full of tantrums and self-centredness. The ‘big teddy’ has to be hers, because she wants it, she needs it. She can’t let anyone have it, even for five minutes. She doesn’t understand what five minutes or just ‘some time’ means. Everything is urgent and life-altering, be it a parent’s attention, food, or a toy. Yes, toddlers are selfish and unempathetic, but that’s because they still have to learn about self-control, feelings and a sense of time. Their brain is still making connections, figuring out how taking turns on a swing works or sharing a toy with a playmate can be cool and fun.

Reinforcing the Right Moments

The game played by the parents in the TikTok video is a great way to start teaching the sharing lesson at home. Sharing with her mother is easy for her; next, encourage her to share with her father, then siblings, then playmates. Rewards work well with little ones. Praise her when she shares. Children have a strong sense of self-esteem, so a ‘good boy’ or ‘good girl’ title works wonderfully. Tell her, ‘I am so proud of you because you shared your toy with your friend!’. She would do it again.

Learning Through Characters

Stories help children understand emotions and empathy. They are fantastic teaching aids, as children connect with characters and remember how Peppa Pig shared her pie with her brother George, well because she is a good girl! Through stories, toddlers begin to relate to others’ feelings and experiences, which lays the foundation for empathy and cooperation in real life.

Model Sharing and Offer Choices

Show them how to share by playing games or taking turns to have something. ‘Mummy will share her chocolate with Daddy because he didn’t get any’. Daddy must say thank you and show how happy he is to get the chocolate. Give them options, ‘you can play with the brown teddy and your friend can play with the white teddy’. This approach makes it less overwhelming for her to share things and offers a sense of control. Think of joint snack times, rotating toys, or inviting friends over to play (with duplicates of favourite items, if possible).

Wait a While, It’s A Slow Run

Don’t hurry your toddler to achieve all milestones. Let her brain progress in its natural course, let her grow and explore her identity, and build emotional connections. It’s a new world for her; she will learn to trust people and live with them. You have to keep guiding her and with explanations. She will learn to share soon.

Learning to share isn’t a one-off lesson. But with patient teaching, your toddler will begin to discover the joy of giving, the satisfaction of fairness, and the social magic of taking turns. Because sharing is a skill and not a reflex!