How To Say A 'Good Job' That’s Meaningful

Are you overloading your child with praise? It’s time to rethink that ‘Well done!’ The right timing, measure, reason, and words can help children build resilience, emotional intelligence, and a lifelong love of learning.

It’s bedtime, and your child excitedly beams and shows you a crayon drawing, “Look at what I made!” You smile and say, “Good job!” It feels like the natural thing to do, but what if that simple phrase teaches them that success is about impressing you, rather than discovering their own abilities? You are not doing it wrong—you just need to approach praise in a fresh way! Here’s how and why…

You might ponder, ‘why does praise need rethinking?’ Well, research shows that praise is powerful—but not always helpful. Overly vague or ability-based praise can harm by stifling curiosity, increasing anxiety, and discouraging risk-taking. It can become a performance trap, and your child may become addicted to praise. However, when praise is analytical, specific, and effort-based, it promotes genuine confidence and motivation.

Let Talent Not Stagnate Efforts

How about a simple, “You’re so clever!”? It can lock children into a fixed mindset. If being clever equals never getting it wrong, mistakes become terrifying. Instead, spotlight the process, “You worked so hard on that,” or “You didn’t give up even when it got tough.” This tells them that success is earned with hard work, not gifted—and that keeps them grounded and encouraged to improve.

One Size Doesn’t Fit All

“Good job” doesn’t always tell them what they actually did well. After a while, it just becomes background noise. Specific praise sticks, “You chose such an amazing topic,” or “You helped your brother with homework.” It shows them exactly what to keep doing—and that you’re sincerely paying attention, not just throwing praise at your kid. Today’s kids can spot fake praise a mile off.

Hit The Right Ones Only

Praise doesn’t need to inflate egos or revolve around tasks, grades, or gold stars only. Nor should it be a pattern. Over-praising can backfire, making kids crave constant validation or feel pressure to perform. The sudden ones hold more value than predictable dialogues. Notice significant moments—when a child calms themselves down, accepts a no without falling apart, or works through a challenge on their own. Sometimes be subtle, other times hold back, and at other times, appreciate unexpected outcomes.

Praise, But Don’t Put Them on a Pedestal

“You’re the best in your class!” might sound like a compliment, but it teaches kids to measure success against others. And what happens when they’re no longer “the best”? Praise progress, not comparison, “You’ve improved so much!” or “Look at how far you’ve come!” Show them curiosity. Try asking, “What part did you enjoy most?” or “How did you handle it?” Let them self-evaluate, and take pride in their process.

Don’t Use Praise as a Bribe

Praise isn’t payment and shouldn’t be used to manipulate behaviour. When it turns into a tool for control, it shifts motivation from the inside out — children start doing things just to get approval. Over time, that can chip away at their independence and leave them constantly looking for someone’s validation even for doing what’s basic and expected.

In the bigger picture, as parents, it’s important to reflect; do you want to raise only a successful engineer or entrepreneur, or a well-rounded, compassionate human being as well? Acknowledging kindness, courage, empathy, and generosity is a pat on your back too. Instead of just recognising quantifiable occasions to say ‘congratulations’ or ‘you won,’ try also saying, ‘I’m so proud you shared your toy with your nanny’s son.’ ‘It was lovely of you to let your friend choose the game.’ Or ‘How brave of you to protect your sister in the rain.’ These moments help your child recognise their inner strengths. And this is how emotionally intelligent individuals are nurtured—and we all want a world full of them. Success will follow!